Billy The Kid and The Green Baize Vampire

CatFang

Yes - you read that right.

For many years Cy had told me about this film and half the time I thought it must have been a dream he had. However, walking down the market on Saturday morning we saw a copy on dvd for £2.99 in a second hand rack.

I will try to tell you what it is about without spoilers, and without you all thinking I must have had the same dream as Cy.

It is a "surreal snooker musical" (yes you read that right) from the mid eighties, directed by Alan "Scum" Clarke and starring Phil Daniels (yes, you read all of that right as well).

Phil Daniels is Billy the Kid - a cheeky cockney cowboy styled hot -shot snooker player, challenged to the game of his life by the 6 time world champion Maxwell Randall (the green baize vampire) as a result of various twisty plot threads that see his manager trapped in a web of his own making.

The whole thing is highly "stagey" with odd sets, theatrical lighting and representative costumes and makeup. The dialogue is highly stylized, and very very eighties.

The politcal message is very "Pat Mills" if you know what I mean.

Sample song lyrics:
"Supersonic Sam: Welcome tatooed humanoid to our East-end asteroid. We gather that you're unemployed.

The Spooke: Well, who the sod ain't these days. "

Sample Dialogue:
[Billy is waiting in his dressing room for the start of his match against Maxwell Randall]

T.O: The word is Maxwell's very confident.
Billy: So was Hitler.

or

Billy: When I've finished with the Green Baize Vampire, he's gonna need a blood transfusion, a brain transplant and a set of National Health railings.

Egypt: They call her Slack Alice; she's got a mouth like a clown's pocket.

You NEED to see this. It is amazing - and you should all go out and hunt it down at one.

Especially you, Batmanuel, if you haven't already.

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Cy Dethan's Awesome Website